Do not pass go

Signs that you need to go to a doctor ASAP:

  1. You have turned another color, say yellow, green, or blue
  2. You need to ask if you are breathing OK
  3. You are pissing/shitting blood
  4. Your piss is ice tea color
  5. You have stabbing pains in your abdominal area
Signs that you need to go to a different doctor:
  1. “We’re not sure what that lump is.  How about some surgery?”
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